WEEK 1

The first time I came across the word ‘Pilates’ I was sitting in a doctor’s waiting room reading a magazine. There was an article on how Sara Michelle Gellar used this method to keep fit and how helpful her workouts were, given her hectic schedule. She mentioned the equipment used, which sounded bizarre, to say the least, and the fact that the routine was all done in a ‘studio’ rather than a ‘gym’.
Thinking that Pilates was thus for actresses, dancers and glamorous girls with healthy wallets, I dismissed the whole concept and continued with my more conventional route to a healthy life-style; a step aerobics class here, yoga for beginners there, Latin cardio on Sunday mornings, and even a year of going to Curves three times a week.

I did not love any of those options but I was in full blown menopause by then and could see clearly that my body was changing. So even though all these activities bored me to tears, I continued to do them with the mental approach that one uses when going to the dentist: it’s something best gotten over with!

I have never been a very sporty person. As a child I was repeatedly told, and therefore lived up to the expectation, that I was clumsy and ungraceful. I was a bit of a tomboy as well, always climbing trees and scraping my knees. Nor was I competitive. If someone wanted to beat me in a race, I figured he or she must really need to win and therefore should be given that pleasure. The importance of playing hard and winning, no matter what, was never drummed into me. I remember once being entered in a sack race by my mother at her company picnic and when she explained to me that I would have to run from one point to another, I looked at her with disbelief and asked her “whatever for??”

At school I did everything possible to miss gym class. I never caught the ball when it was thrown at me, an unforgivable lack of talent that guaranteed never being chosen to be on anybody’s team. This made gym classes a painful purgatory, something to be avoided whenever possible. Many a school day started with me pleading a headache or menstrual cramps so that my mother would write me an excuse. My physical education teachers, some of whom I still remember to this day, despaired and were no doubt glad to see my backside at the end of each school term. The feeling was totally mutual.

Shortly before my 55th birthday I started experiencing discomfort and pain in my shoulders. My arms would sometimes go numb and my fingers tingled, often waking me in the middle of the night. My exercise routine seemed to make things worse instead of better. I began to worry that something was seriously wrong with me.

Feeling rather dejected about the challenges of middle age and the aches and pains that seemed to come with it, I went to see my family doctor. After telling her about the tingling in my arms she surprised me by measuring me. “I know I’m still 5’6” even if I’ve gained some weight,” I said to her. “No,” she replied “you’re now 5’4”.

Just like that I had lost two inches.

No wonder my clothes were hanging funny. No wonder I was in pain. My spine was curving and the pounding I was giving my body through well- meaning exercise every week was just compounding my problem.

My panic was total and so was my anger. I was NOT going to take this lying down! The doctor prescribed something for the pain in my shoulders and kindly suggested that I start to pay more attention to my posture but I knew that neither of those things would correct the underlying problem. That’s when I remembered the article on Pilates that I had read six years before. It was time to check that option out.

WEEK 2

The voice at the other end of the phone was vibrant and friendly. As luck would have it, I found a Pilates studio within walking distance from my home. I called immediately to get some preliminary information and was told about the different packages available. A new session would start soon but first I would need to make an appointment for a basic evaluation and discussion with an instructor.
I had already done some reading on Joseph Pilates, the founder of this movement. I had even looked at footage of him on YouTube doing things with his arms that gave me hope for mine! I wanted to believe that fixing my shoulders might actually be a possibility as the pain I was now experiencing on a regular basis was interfering with my life. My driving, for instance, was affected by my inability to turn my neck quickly without wincing; my sleep was disturbed and I often had a painful knot in my back when I worked on the computer. Reading further I felt empathy for the German-born Joseph Pilates, who had been a sickly child, someone who had struggled with asthma, rheumatic fever and rickets and who was apparently often teased by his peers for being a weakling. People further tormented him by calling him ‘Pontius Pilate’ which he quite understandably did not appreciate! In his teens Pilates totally devoted himself to healthy living and to developing his body, eventually moving to England where he became a boxer and trainer. In 1923 he emigrated to the U.S. and met his future wife, Clara, aboard the ship that brought them both to New York. There they married and opened a studio where they refined and taught their unique brand of exercise, which was based on strength, stretching and control, and which was of particular appeal to dancers, for the next forty years.

After his death in 1967, Pilates’ legacy of healthy living and disciplined workouts became a movement as his disciples took his techniques to a whole new level. Improvements were made to the equipment Pilates had designed and more and more studios began to offer this precise brand of workout. Word began to spread and today, Pilates has become the exercise of choice not only for dancers but also for stressed out career women, stay-at-home mothers, those coming back from an illness or injuries, and yes, even men who just wanted to keep their bodies strong and toned.

Armed with this information I arrived at Connexion Pilates with nervous anticipation. I was met by a smiling instructor who was very friendly and immediately made me feel at ease with her easy banter. We chatted a bit as she showed me the layout of the clean and bright studio including the rather intimidating reformers and something known as a ‘cadillac’, which mercifully was not part of my initiation.

Instead, my instructor concentrated on getting to know my physical profile. For that we moved onto a mat in front of a mirrored wall where she had me perform some simple tasks to determine my strength and my balance. She pointed out, for instance, that I had what is known as sway back (a left-over gift from my two pregnancies) as well as a rounded upper back (I can practically hear my mother chiding me to stand straight!) and that one shoulder was higher than the other. My problem, then, was that I was not well aligned or ‘centered’ and thus all of my limbs had to compensate in some way to do their work.

Seeing my mirror image that day was a complete revelation. With the help of my gentle instructor I saw for the first time that my physical body parts were not in line with my own mental self-image; a powerful and sobering moment on what turned out to be the first baby step on my journey to wellness.

WEEK 3

I left that first Pilates session with my head spinning. Not only was there a good chance to repair the damage to my back and shoulders, here was an opportunity to improve my posture and to do so for life instead of just for the short term.
First, I would have to acquire a new understanding of my own anatomy and I would have to learn to breathe properly, which is what the three private lessons were primarily for. But I also had to commit to a whole new vocabulary and a different mind-set. I quickly realized that I would have to re-program myself and I wasn’t sure yet how I was going to manage that.

What I did know, and it really surprised me, was that for once I was happy and even excited about performing regular physical exercise. Part of the appeal, of course, was relief that I was going to get back something I had lost but it also had something to do with the overall approach, which to my un-athletic mind seemed so logical and intelligent.

The link to my new thinking was something instructors refer to as the body-mind connection. This requires that you focus the mind on what the body is doing in order to be able to visualize the mechanics of any movement. It sounds easy but for someone like me, used to exercising with mindless repetitions, it was quite a leap.

Like anything else, some instructors are better at teaching visualization than others. At Connexion Pilates, Chantal Perron, the inspirational owner who made a miraculous comeback from death’s door before opening her studio, and who, therefore, understands what effort it takes for people to adapt to the body-mind connection, is a master at getting you inside of yourself. Not only can she get you to visualize that your pelvic basin is like a bowl of water from which not a drop must be spilled, she explains where the vital connections are that enable you to work at your own pace.

The goal as I went through my initial private sessions and onto a group class, was to learn how to breathe and generally to always remember to elongate my back and neck while stabilizing the core and being aware of the correct position of my spine. This required a complex mind-shift. Like most people, I was used to lifting heavy things by bracing my back and my legs and then taking a deep breath in. In Pilates you learn the exact opposite; you inhale to prepare and exhale when exerting effort while engaging your core. In fact, one of the common sounds at a Pilates studio is that of people exhaling with force.

After each lesson I continued to practice my new breathing technique on the way home. A fifteen minute walk along Notre Dame’s antique row which saw me inhaling deeply, then exhaling as I tried to slide my scapulae towards my rib cage which in turn allowed me to tuck in my pelvis and engage my core…. must have caused anyone watching me to wonder if I had spiked my morning coffee!

During my walks to and from the studio I often thought back to the elderly population I had worked with for years, many of them arthritic or suffering from osteoporosis. How I wished I could have taught them these new techniques to keep them limber and pain free! How many elders might sleep better if they could learn the art of deep breathing? Or walk better by using their core strength which in turn would allow them to elongate their spine? If it’s true that good posture is the key to healthy aging, and I believe that it is, then an entire generation of baby boomers might be spared the atrocity of shrinking in old age.

I found myself wanting to share the benefits I myself was starting to enjoy but I knew that to do that I would first have to get good at Pilates myself and for that to happen I would need to unblock the source of my pain.

WEEK 4

One of the unexpected benefits of joining a Pilates studio is the comforting access you obtain to like-minded people. Whether you’re the new kid in the class or a veteran, you join a community of kindred spirits who understand your transformation because they’re going through the process themselves.
There was a lady in my initial group who had broken her ankle and was still trying to regain strength on that one side. When comparing notes after class one day she mentioned that the osteopath affiliated with the studio had been of great help to her initially and had, in fact, been the catalyst that had gotten her interested in Pilates.

Although my pain had subsided considerably after three months of diligent workouts, I was still having trouble with certain key movements so I decided to give the osteopath route a try. What an incredible experience!

The osteopath in question is at Connexion Pilates several days a week. After reviewing my medical history she began to work her fingers along my spine, concentrating on one area that was particularly vulnerable. She had me turn this way and that as she closed her eyes and manipulated my body with touch and with pressure. Her concentration was total as she “listened” to what my body had to say.

At the end of the first session I felt that she had partially untangled a huge knot inside of me. Without knowing anything about me, for other than my medical history I had not told her about myself, she gently suggested that I try to “let go of the great sadness I was carrying” and that I would benefit from three more sessions with her.

I was amazed even though I was now a total convert to the notion that the body reflects what the mind and spirit are experiencing. Unbeknownst to her, I had just finished a marathon writing project that had drained me emotionally and which had dredged up a lot of old and pent-up wounds. Rather than dealing with them I was shoving them under a proverbial rug because I truly did not know where else to go with the residual emotions.

My next two sessions went much the same way. I left each time feeling physically more limber and with a sense of being emotionally understood, even though no words to that effect were actually spoken. There was no judgement, only a physical acknowledgement that something needed to be put right.

When the next Pilates session started I decided to treat myself to private sessions with Chantal, the owner of Connexion Pilates. I had already observed that although she speaks in a quiet, gentle voice, she is extremely demanding and exacting of her students. “When you come here, it’s to get results,” she said to me as a way of explaining why she always ups the ante. With her constant “please” and “thank you” she cajoles you to the brink of what you think is the furthest you can go….only to nudge you a wee bit further and have you prove to yourself that you actually are capable of more.

For the next ten weeks she worked me very hard. Not only did we do mat work, she had me on the reformer, the chair, the cadillac and we even did gyrotonics. This last procedure is particularly good for the spine and elongation as you work the body symmetrically, always going in a circular motion.

By the time the sessions with Chantal had ended, I was well on my way to re-writing the second and final draft of my manuscript. I had already decided that my story needed to have one final element in it; that of forgiveness. Somewhere along the way, between what the osteopath had told me and the work Chantal was literally choreographing for me every week, things had dovetailed in my mind. As I sat at my computer, hour after hour, core engaged, shoulders back, scapulae as close to my ribs as possible (!) I began to see myself differently. I re-wrote my story with compassion instead of bitterness and in so doing all the parts of me that had been hunched up, began to open up and flow. I felt lighter, less knotted up, less judgemental of myself and others. At last I was ready to forgive and to let go of all the old toxins that had kept me in a permanent state of grief.

WEEK 5 - FINAL WEEK!

I’m as enthusiastic about Pilates today as I was when I started three years ago. In that time, neither snowstorms nor heat waves have stopped me from attending my sessions. If work takes me out of town, or I take a vacation, I double up before I go and do so again when I come back so as to not miss any opportunity to practice the movements that keep me limber. I know that if I stop I will quickly seize up again. Like flossing, Pilates has simply become a way of life.
The seemingly tortuous movements that Joseph displays on YouTube no longer seem so daunting to me. I will likely never achieve his high levels of disciplined and graceful motion, but then again, that isn’t what I set out to do.

I acknowledge that there is no magic. I still have to work very hard to achieve results. Unless I give my spine a good stretch every day, either by practicing my roll-downs or by lying on a foam roller for a few minutes, I can almost feel myself starting to seize up. I find that very frustrating so I have to constantly remind myself that I am undoing fifty years of bad posture. Learning to be patient with myself is yet another process!

Overall I am aware of being much more flexible than I used to be. My joints are no longer stiff when I wake up in the morning and it’s been ages since I’ve felt the tingling in my arms that used to wake me on a regular basis. I have gained a keener awareness about my postural problem which always kicks in whenever I get lazy or forget to engage my core. That still happens, for old habits die hard, but at least I know enough now to catch myself and correct my stance with a slight scoop of the abdomen. The day will come when that will become an automatic adjustment.

I won’t deny that I have become a bit of a disciple. I’m constantly urging others to join me in what I believe to be an important component towards a better acceptance of our inner selves as well as of our naturally deteriorating bodies. In the time I have been practicing Pilates I have seen incredible changes in those who have decided to join me on this journey; a friend who has been severely depressed has gained back her physical strength as well as a healthier mental outlook; another with a serious neurological disorder has benefited greatly from private therapy and a third is honest enough to say she goes more for the socializing than anything else but that she enjoys the benefits of staying limber. Who wouldn’t devote a couple of hours a week to feeling better? We may all have different reasons for going to our sessions but we all share an appreciation for what we’ve gained.

All I wanted in the beginning was to rid myself of pain, become more flexible and regain lost inches. In that process I have gained so much more. I have found an exercise regime that suits my temperament and which continues to challenge me physically as well as mentally. As a bonus, I’ve made new friendships and discovered things about myself that have improved the quality of my life. Any way I look at it, this is a great return on my self-investment!

Oh, and did I mention that on my last visit to the doctor she confirmed that I was back to being 5’6”?